Briefing Room: Turkey Comas, Busted Lips and Chia Pets
The Latest from the Interwebs
If, by chance, you fell asleep Wednesday and just woke up, you should probably take a shower. Then realize that Thanksgiving happened on Thursday and people herded in front of stores for Black Friday. Following that, you should hop on your favorite online store (say the Daily Dues Store) and buy some stuff (like our Christmas T-Shirt) because it’s Cyber Monday.
President Obama’s lip busted in basketball game
In the fifth of five basketball games, President Obama’s lip was busted after Reynaldo Decerega, Director of Programs for the Congressional Hispanic Caucus Institute, elbowed him in the face. The President received 12 stitches to the lip.
Obama missed the reception of the White House Christmas Tree, but did attend a basketball game between Howard University and Oregon State (coached by his Brother-in-Law Craig Robinson).
The Obama Chia Pet has returned
After receiving ridicule for enforcing racial stereotypes, the Obama Chia Pet was taken off the market in early February 2009. Now, after a House shellakcing, the makers of Chia Pets have no fear about racial stereotypes. The Obama Chia Pet has returned to the market when Obama is floundering (compared to it’s original run, when he was doing well).
Empire Strikes Back director dies at 87
Irvin Kershner, director of the second Star Wars film The Empire Strikes Back, passed away at the age of 87 in Los Angeles. Kershner was well known for his work in the Star Wars smash hit along with the Bond flick Never Say Never Again, which handed Sean Connery his license to kill again.
From The Onion: 20,000 sacrificed in annual blood offering to Corporate America
The nation looked on in reverence Friday as 20,000 citizens were decapitated, dismembered, and burned alive in the name of Corporate America, continuing the age-old annual rite to ensure bounteous profits in the coming fiscal year.”Corporate America has always provided us with plenty,” said High Priest James N. Cahill, who opened the ceremony by plunging the horn of a bull into a fair-haired child’s abdomen and using the freshly spilled blood to write the current value of the Dow Jones Industrial Average upon sacred parchment. “JPMorgan Chase, General Electric, and all in the great pantheon of publicly traded entities will continue to watch over us so long as we appease them each year with human lives.”